• TPO

Antisocial Media

I can already see your expressions as you read the title, and they look like an eye-rolling "uhoh what did he do now?" sort of thing. Well, in the words of Ricky Riccardo, "You gots some 'splainin' to do!".... so here goes:


I joined Instagram after getting booted from Facebook: As you know, I committed the grievous sin on Facebook of posting a link to a home movie of the pack, getting accused of spamming, filing a request for a review, and getting tossed out on my ass for requesting that review. I get it. I'm a troublemaker who devalues the online community. Seriously, I deserved permanent exile for what I did. It was inexcusable. I have brought shame to my family. Seppuku might just be the only acceptable solution. Surprisingly, Instagram was going great: I had over 120 followers (which for me is a huge number), I was getting to see dogs in the Roberson family, getting to "know" their owners and how the dogs were living, and Belgians and the people who love them from all over the world, some of them in places like the Alps. I was getting wonderful comments on the pack and slowly getting to "know" some of the other Belgian owners out there, all without a single nasty comment, conflict, or a single unpleasant moment. It was what I'd been looking for in Facebook: Just dogs, dogs, dogs, hold the bullshit, and gimme a side of networking. Then I fucked it all up. I am SUCH an asshole. What a JERK I can be. I downloaded a third party app from the iPhone app store which helped me manage hashtags, which I find confusing and hard to think of; this app would scan the picture to be posted and suggest hashtags, and it worked really, really well.

Today I logged in, tried to post a heart thingie on photo, and found I could not because I got suspended from Instagram for using a third party app, which violates their Terms of Use. Seriously, I hope this doesn't result in a police complaint, or criminal charges, or a lawsuit. I have nightmares about cavity searches and never seeing my family again, gang rape in prison showers, food that tastes like cardboard, and learning how to make a shiv from a toothbrush. And all because I am SO stupid. How could I not know this? Instagram even sent me an email telling me that I should have read the Terms of Service and that doing so was not only my responsibility but my obligation, because, let's face it, everyone else reads it except for me. I assume they know this. Yes, I know: It makes me a Menace to Society, and I apologize to everyone in advance before I do something like accidentally post a picture of a dog urinating on a tree, thereby enraging all the Liberal Tree Huggers of Instagram and incurring the wrath of the Digital Gestapo. I get it. I'm in danger of screwing up the New World Order, and I apologize; I just thought it'd look good on my resume. I think I'm done with social media, period. All of it. The goosestepping of the IT troops, the way the Instagrammenoberfuhrer demand complete obedience, the infantilizing and hostile demeanor of the P.C. Waffen unt ze emailen, all of it. It's too bad. The dogs were gorgeous and some of the photos were really, really good. But I'm sick of being booted by bots written by assholes who are drunk with delusions of power and their absolute dominion over their world. Seriously, If TPO continues with just us seven seeing them from now on, I'm totally OK with that. The numbers don't really matter, and I've learned that trying to get people to sign up here is, 99.995% of the time, fruitless. This Digitally Orwellian mode of existence just ain't doing it for me, so I disabled the Instagram account and I will most likely let it just fester and hope it causes an infection in a server somewhere, most likely in California, where it will be legislated to death. I am SUCH an asshole. -mn